.kiss me. [entries|friends|calendar] Jessica Renee [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[14 Oct 2004|12:42pm] [ mood | amused ] Hey everyone... NEW LJ NAME. </b>hophophopityhop</b>.... ADD ME! :) 4 ♥

[14 Oct 2004|10:59am] [ mood | ditzy ]  ( For Gena only...  ) 2 ♥

.I'm Sorry. [13 Oct 2004|09:42am] [ mood | crushed ] There are so many things I'm sorry for right now. I'm sorry for making you think I like him. I'm sorry if its because of that that you aren't talking to me. I'll even more sorry if you never talk to me again because of that. I miss her. I haven't talked to her since yesterday, but before that, it was longer. Its always so hard to get ahold of her, mainly because I know she's always busy. I'm afraid that its over. I don't want it to be over. Last night I almost started crying at the thought of losing on of my greatest friends. She's SO awesome, and has ALWAYS been there for me... so what is it that is causing this? A boy. A boy who's friendship I utterly miss... but that's it... friendship. I miss talking to him. I miss trusting him with things. I miss knowing he wasn't mad at me for something. I miss him saying that I'm usually right about things. And most of all, I miss times like when he came over and introduced me to the funniest squirrel cartoon ever. A friendship is all I want. I want my friend's back, that's all. Well, good news. My mom and grandparents saw another doctor on Monday. He told them that with radiation alone, and if the cancer doesn't spread, my grandpa will have a 50% chance of curing his cancer! That was the first time we heard something like that, and it's amazing! I believe that if his cancer gets cured, he's going to wise up and become a better person. I believe that for some reason. Of course, he might need some medication to do it, but he once told me that he still wanted to live. He has so much more that he'd like to do before he goes. If I turn out to be wrong, I'm going to be highly disappointed in him. Dad goes in for his stint/cath surgery on Tuesday. I told him I can't be there because of my class. I think he's disappointed. I am, however, going to be spending Monday night with him (at least until 8pm or so.) We both have to get up early in the morning, and so we both need to get to sleep early. I need to lose like 40 lbs. If I lose that much, I'll be down to the ideal weight. Mom says I'm looking thinner, but I don't see it. I noticed it at first, but not now. Nothing's changing. Grrr. If I can't grow a couple of feet, I might as well lose the weight, huh? So, with that in mind, I'm going to go walk a bit. Bye! 3 ♥

Continued post... [09 Oct 2004|03:15pm] [ mood | bouncy ] I distinctly remember saying that I was going to post more this morning. Now, for some reason, I can't remember most of what I was going to say... So, here are a few tidbits that I can remember. Yesterday I went to see an old teacher. Still hott... new thoughts... don't really miss it anymore. I think what I needed by going back was some closure. Its been a year and some lus months, and I was missing things... the old way we all were... and now that I had a chance to see it all again, and yeah. Ok... I swear there was more that I was going to say and now I can't think of a single thing. Oh yeah, a friend cursed me yesterday and yeah! So I have another... 3-4 days with this curse... it sucks. Yeah... oh well... it makes things better for a couple of weeks. AH HA! I remembered something small! There are a couple of pictures that I want to frame... I think it'll be pretty cool to have them hanging up on my walls... :) I just need to find the right frames. Grrr... it's that time again... I best be getting ready for work while my clothes still are in the dryer... grrr... need coffee before hand. Starbucks... gotta check on my application status. :) xoxo (carrots are best when they are peeled!) ♥

"You make me wanna LALA!" [29 Sep 2004|03:24am] [ mood | amused ] I need to get a journal that I can put quotes and lyrics in. I have some pretty funny/interesting things that I want to remember, and I don't know where to put them!!! So, I'm thinking of going by Barnes and Noble and picking one up tonight, but who knows. Talking to my Isengard right now. Strangly enough, I miss him. I never really got to say bye to him, and yeah... He was a sweet guy... :( I <3 Siggy. She's so cool!!! Poor thing hurt her ankle too... :( She invited me to go to the Women's Retreat coming up next month... I'm going to see about going... I think that'll be super fun.... I just have to see what I'm doing because I've been invited to go to Disneyland with Miss Evie... and I dunno much about that. Ok, I think I'm done with this and I'm going to go sit in my car and read now. Bye!!! 5 ♥

Layouts and stuff. [26 Sep 2004|09:42pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Well, I've been working on organizing a few layouts for me.... having a bit of a difficult time though. Kristy is helping me with it, and I'm forever grateful. I didn't want to continue being a burden on her asking her to help me with them each time I find something new. Most of my layout ideas are from the Gilmore Girls, so don't be too surprised to see a bunch of them. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRTY ROCKSTAR!!!!!!!!!!! xoxox So, work last night was interesting. Kristi was actualy being semi-nice and we would talk. (Of course not about what was going on, but other things.) It wasn't all that bad... you learn to forgive and forget, right? If you can't forgive them, then how is He going to forgive you? Anyway, that was intersting thing number one. Intersting thing number two was last night was a night for emotions. Yes, emotions. I felt attracted to... at least four guys there last night; one that I felt really bad about too because yeah... and hunny, if you ever read this, it means nothing, really.) But yeah, last night, Larry had his mind in the wrong place... every word I said made it seem sexual to him. There was even a point when I was doing inventory where I said, "Oh Larry!" and he responded with, "Oh that was good... maybe next time you could call me something else... perhaps daddy?" Then later I said we should just get started, and that was meant to go towards actually working, but he said something about cameras or something. Yeah by the end of the night... it was funny. The whole time we were closing, it was basically sexual talk. I met Siggy today... cool chick! We have way too much in common!! Hey, that reminds me, what did you get from Coffee Bean today Sigourney?? It all comes down to the coffee. We know the candy... Sees... which I think we should get some sometime this week if we can work it out. Perhaps Thursday before classes?? Also, I need to talk to you about something too... :) Ok, I think that's all for now... bye everyone, and God bless. 12 ♥

Saturday morning. [25 Sep 2004|10:28am] [ music | "Open to Me" by Dillion Dixon <3 ] I am so tired right now. I didn't get to sleep until maybe 4am, and my brother woke me up at 9:30am. Mom and Arthur are coming home (by like noon) and he wanted me to make sure I finish cleaning up the house before they got home, but I was like (huh?) lol. Anyway, needless to say, I layed in bed, listening to Ashlee Simpson, imagining myself getting engaged to someone resembling Nick Stahl, and smelling either Marc Jacobs' Essence or Giorgio Armani's Aqua di Gio, and I still didn't fall asleep! So, I'm here... up... did the dishes... took out the trash... and waiting for my breakfast to finish in the micro. I'm starving. I was thinking of vacuuming too, but I don't think it really needs it. So, last night was an interesting night. I went to work, and two people were already there: Kristi and Morgan! Yes, but it wasn't until before our 7 o'clock rush that Morgan wanted to talk to me. So, we went upstairs and we talked. He said he looked over the tapes and saw nothing even resembling me hitting Kristi! I was happy, he was on my side. He said at first he didn't even believe it because yeah. However, I still have to write a report up, and I'm not really sure how to start that. I'm thinking I'm going to write it in a letter format???? I don't know. (I still need a new job though... ) (I still smell like di Gio :}) Ok, so there was that issue over and done with. Next was the magical appearance of Clinton! He came by before Edi and I left last night, and yeah. It was nice seeing him again. We talked until 2:30 last night there. He's going to try to get me an application over at the base to work with him... making only a quarter less, getting the same hours, and you just sit there doing your homework.... lol. So we'll see. He has his own place now (well, with a roomate of course) and a new girlfriend (however, he neglected to tell me this, I found out from Rachel.) I'll admit, it was weird at first because I hadn't seen him since that night I hid from him because I was afraid of the whole kiss thing... but now its cool. I went shopping on Thursday... good stuff. I got some cute clothes (spent a lot on just one shirt too... Nikki wasn't too happy.) I should have boughten my chocolates, but I figured, I don't really need them as badly as my head might be telling me. Brandon was there too... I also saw Tim... he works at the Gap now at the mall... good for him I say... that other one was blah... which is why I left. He said that he was really happy to see me all dressed up at the movies... He said I deserved it. I always liked that guy. Tim always treated me with respect at the GAP. <3 New hair cut.... I don't know how much Nancy took off, but its cute. We didn't cut my bangs this time either (YES!!!!!!!!) We also left the bleach in there longer, but I'm not sure how much good that did just yet. Now, the cut looks longer then it did last time when she took off an inch. I wonder how long my hair will get by those 6 weeks. Ok, lets see, after 6 weeks you're supposed to get a trim, and after 8 weeks the dye starts fading... by Christmas/New Years I should have had it done again. I am really digging the sandy blonde that's hidden in my hair... :{ That's what we're trying to aim for too... ::shreeks:: we'll see how it goes. Another one of our chickens is probably going to die. It's just standing out there, sleeping... It hasn't really been doing much lately. Oh, and on top of that, Nikki hurt her leg earlier this week. Yep, she jumped off the jacuzzi platform and sprained her leg or something... Anyway, she's hoping around on it and is actually walking better if I do say so myself. I <3 my baby.... both of them... Nicole and Jasper... two really cute dogs. (However, I still want my shiba puppy. :{) Haha! I think one of the chickens wants to come in the house... lol. Darn poopers!! (FInal note: I'm really into the movie "T3: Rise of the Machines" right now... Nick Stahl is HOTT all grunged up like that... yummy.) 2 ♥

Two patient care. [21 Sep 2004|05:37pm] [ mood | blah ] Today was our first day with two patients. I must admit, I was pretty nervous at first, but after spending about an hour there, it wasn't that bad. I had two pretty easy patients, but still. One of my patients actually hurt her back this morning. She was in the bathroom and when she went to stand up again, her walker slipped and she fell back, hitting her back on the toilet handle. I was freaked. She's ok now, but yeah... Anyway, I can't believe that by the end of the semester we are supposed to be able to take care of four patients within a 7.5 hour period.... well, it should take up a lot of our time. :) Well, Mom and Arthur are taking my grandparents to Vegas tomorrow morning. Grandpa's birthday is Thursday and he wants to be in Vegas... since it might be his last time. They'll be back Saturday morning as Mom has to work Saturday night. It'll be nice for them to get away for a little bit. I have my first CNA test tomorrow night... blah.... I haven't really read much of my book, but doing the chapters from the workbook helps a lot. It shouldn't be all that hard... but I do need at least a 75 on it in order not to take the very last test. Wish me luck... ::shreeks:: I got a B on my first paper... Debating on whether or not I want to rewrite it for a better grade... I might if I have some extra time after writing the new paper that is due the day the that re-write is... :) I'm talking to my Yolie... I miss her. We really need to get together tomorrow night, but she might have to work late... :P I NEED TO TALK TO HER!!! There are so many things that I have to talk to her about.... she needs to be filled in!! Ok, a lot of what I've said on here is jibberish.... but before I leave, I'm going to say a massive THANK YOU to Kristy.... you made my layout for me.... you're wicked cool! 5 ♥

Things. [19 Sep 2004|02:57pm] [ mood | loved ] I couldn't be happier today and couldn't feel as blissful as I do now. Today, dad and I went to church. Yes, I went to church. I haven't been to the Vinyard in so long! I really missed it. Anyway, we went on a good day because it was Youth Invasion!!! Yeah, the youth members took over and changed everything. It was amazing. I had so much fun! It's funny becaues I never used to have fun going to church because I was afraid of going off and doing the "Sunday school" thing. However, I saw Josiah and his brother again... they're too cute. I can also honestly say they look like an old friend of mine... it's scary. I really wish I actually knew them... I'm thinking that since Dad and I are going to be going every weekend, it'll happen. I'm even thinking of going to some of the other youth things and everything just to be more active. I've been struggling with what I believe lately, and a couple weeks ago, I had my thought. My dad was pleased and we're going to make it happen. I'm really excited about next week and everything. On the pamphlet, there's contact information, and perhaps I'll email Josiah and find out what's going on as far as the youth team goes and introduce myself on here and stuff... I grew up knowing who he was in church through Sunday school, since we were always there at the same time, but we never really met. Well, I spent most of my night last night talking on the phone to fellow employees... mainly Jeff though. We talked for almost an hour last night and it was fun... He said something that totally made my night-"When you made me smell you, with your new perfume, you turned me on!" It was hilarious! He's so cute. But no, that was just nice to hear. <3, Thank you Jefferson! 9 ♥

This is ridiculous. [18 Sep 2004|08:12pm] [ mood | amused ] Guess what!!! I might lose my job!!!! Yes, I might get fired! Morgan called me this evening telling me that someone has been telling him that I've been saying doragatory things about them and hitting them... yeah... Its soooo not true. Why would I hit anyone? I find it such crap that it's ridiculous. Morgan wouldn't even tell me who said this to him. He never brought it up to me last night either... it was crazy. So yeah, I don't care if they fire me... but I do need the money.... so yeah... I don't know. So yeah, expect me to be putting a post saying that I'm fired or something. Ok... I think that's it... laters. ♥

"You make me wanna lala..." [16 Sep 2004|11:41pm] [ mood | hungry ] Well, I only have a couple of minutes left on here because Justin is kicking me off shortly to do whatever DVD things he has to do. Nerd. I was at the hospital tonight from 8-11. It was fun. They were slower tonight than they have been, which made it nice and stuff, but mom eventually kicked me out. I was sitting in the nurses station thinking, "This is actually quite fun." I know that I'm going to go into pediatric nursing, but still... I was born in that hospital and grew up around all of those people, and I just love being around them. What's kind of funny, is that, like work, I enjoy hanging out there when I don't have to be. Two of my favorite people: David and Jennifer. I love them. David was going to try to get into my CNA class this semester, but he couldn't work around his schedule. Jennifer is just great, and I love her. ERIC ROCKS MY SOCKS! He's so flipping gorgeous!! My mom would never set me up with him because he's like a "slut" or something. lol. He's 25 I think... really hott. I enjoy spying on all those hott medical workers... like Dr. Neil Canby... yummy. Once I become a CNA, I'll be able to be around more of them. :) I don't know about this whole "Online Dating" thing anymore. I'm starting to think that it's not really a great idea. Jasen and I were talking last night about how we were going to meet and everything, and I was just thinking during the conversation, "This is not a great way to meet people." Of course it works for some, but for me, I'd much rather meet them in a casual manner, and let things work that way. Just talking to someone too isn't the best way to get to know someone... you have to physically meet them... I don't know... I just don't think I'm going to do it anymore. I think that if I let nature take its course, I'll eventually meet him and things will be great... but for now, I have to make my decision on Med School or stay in nursing... Hmmm... So, I think what I'm going to do is I'm not going to talk to him anymore... kinda shy away from the whole thing and maybe everything will eventually be fine, or we'll meet unexpectedly or something... If he asks, I'll let him know, but yeah. Ok, well, I'm getting tired and I'm hungry. Justin now went to sleep so the computer is mine... Muahhahaha!!! I conquered!!!! Still hungry though... damn it... ok, G'night for now... 8 ♥

I'm happy now. [13 Sep 2004|04:28pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Dr. Phil-LOVE 'EM! ] Jessica got her butterscotch squares and is now a happy girl. I shared them with people of course, but I had them. :) I'll be meeting Jasen sometime this week I believe. I told Evie that I was going to meet him and she was like, "Are you nuts?! Does your mother know what you're doing?!" Needless to say she wants me to go with someone and not meet him alone, so I asked if we can make it Thursday instead of tomorrow and I'm bringing Evie and her "beau." We'll see how everything works out. If Jasen isn't the guy for me, then perhaps he'll be the guy who introduces me to my mate. Who knows what the future will bring for me. I love my dog, Jasper. He's so darn cute!!!! He's def of course, but he's still very active. Well, there was something that was brought up this past week. My grandpa was diagnosed with Level 3 lung cancer. They're looking into doing chemo and radiation and we'll see how that turns out, but with that, he might lose 90-98 lbs, and he's already 120. He may not even make it through the chemo and radiation, but that's a decision he's going to have to make. Now, what was brought up was who is going to live with my grandma and help take care of her in that house? The answer-me. We live five houses down from my grandparents, and my grandma said she'd give me the master bedroom upstairs where she's staying now. Someone has to stay with her, and they don't think Justin will do it. I could come and go when I please, and things wouldn't be that bad... it'd definitely something I could consider, but when would I see my mom? It's something that we'll just have to wait and see. I have this picture perfect image of myself in my head. I can see myself the way Ishould be... or the way I want to be. Of course, I will most likely never grow a single inch for the rest of my life, but I'm content with my height. I'd be about 145-150lbs (as skinny people are sickly lookin, though pretty.) Longer hair, light brown with blonde streaks possibly... either that or blonde. I've come to the conclusion that my eyes are hazel, not blue. I was even thinking that I'd let my eyebrows grow out and go get them waxed the way they should be, but then again, they look fine the way they are. My mom keeps losing weight... she sucks! lol. No, I'm very proud of her. She works harder than any of us here. I need to start walking more again, as my legs are starting to feel "tense" at times. Hopefully by my 20th birthday I'll be the way I wanna be. All it takes is time... lots of time... damn time. lol. Time is cruel. Ok, watching the rest of Dr. Phil and then I'm going to go walk an hour. :P I think I have something stuck between my teeth... grrr. OOO! *******Matthew Lillard and Dax Shepard are SO F*CKING HOTT!!!******* 7 ♥

Butterscotch squares and Stephen Dorff. [12 Sep 2004|06:40pm] [ mood | sleepy ] I'm craving some serious butterscotch squares from Sees candy right now!!! I'm going to go by a dozen or so tomorrow before class. Those are my favorite candies ever!!! I want them so bad right now... I'm watching "Cold Creek Manor right now." I love Denis Quaid, I think he's so sexy. lol. Well, Stephen Dorff plays the bad guy in it, and I was looking at him and I thought, he looks like Phil!! I love Phil, I think he's great. He'd be completely lost if he didn't have me to clean up his messes. He's so freaking hott too. Last night, Rachel, Phil, and I wento Ralphs on our breaks and they got some drinks. We decided earlier that we'd have a few drinks there because Morgan wasn't going to be there. Well, Rachel bought some Smirnoff Twists in Green Apple (great stuff!) and Phil just bought a six pack of Corona's. Lame... lol. Anyway, I drove, and it wasn't that bad. It was kinda fun hanging out with them and stuff. Phile was all saying that he is thinking about having a little party at his apartment on the 8th or something.... He's never hung out with coworkers outside work before. So, I think I'm going to meet Jasen sometime this week. So far he seems to be the only guy that I met there that's nice and worth meeting. I'm kinda nervous though. This is the first time I've ever met someone online and will actually meet them in person. I have yet to meet Rob (though I know I will someday,) and Katrina. I have yet to fly back east and meet Turelie and Cerrenes (and Manveru). I guess it's gotta happen sometime though. If I'm planning on possibly starting relationships then I've gotta go out there and meet people. I think I should really read more of my book. I think I'm like, half way through it, and I need to read it more. I do the homework for school, but I don't read much of the books... which is SO like me. I don't like reading school books, but I do the work and I get pretty good grades... lol... damn it... I need to go shower, later everyone. 23 ♥

taken from turelie... :) [10 Sep 2004|02:17pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | brandy ft kanye west **about our love** ] If I were a stone, I would be... Tigerseye If I were a tree, I would be a... paper bark tree If I were a bird, I would be a... dove If I were an insect, I would be a... dragonfly If I were a machine, I would be a... satelite If I were a tool, I would be an... sludge hammer :) If I were a fruit, I would be a... strawberry If I were a flower, I would be a... lily If I were a kind of weather, I would be...a breezy autumn evening (I agree) If I were a non-mythical creature, I would be a... tiger If I were a musical instrument, I would be an... violin, piano, or cello If I were a kind of profession, I would be... musician If I were an animal, I would be a... penguin If I were anything in the world, I would be... prettier If I were a color, I would be... PINK! If I were a fragrance, I would be... either Marc Jacobs' Essence, or Giorgio Armani's Gio (cologne) If I were an emotion, I would be... love If I were a state or feeling, I would be... courage If I were a sound, I would be... rain drops If I were an Element, I would be... water If I were a book, I would be written by: Sparks or Tolkien If I were a food, I would be: butterscotch squares by Sees If I were a place, I would be: the beach/ocean If I were a taste, I would be: caramel If I were a scent, I would be: vanilla, coconut If I were a religion, I would be: accepting If I were a word, I would be: serendipity If I were a body part I would be: the eyes If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile If I were a subject in school I would be: art or drama If I were a cartoon character I would be: Jasmine from Aladdin If I were a shape I would be a: diamond If I were a number I would be: 4 If I were an item of clothing, I would be: a shirt If I were a piece of jewelry, I would be: a necklace If I were a clothing accessory, I would be: a scarf 7 ♥

Thoughts... [06 Sep 2004|01:59am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | President Bush.... blah.... ] I've been thinking... and I've decided I need new friends. A lot of my "friends" now hardly seem like friends lately. They never call me and see if I want to hang out, I RARELY see them, and when I need to talk to them about something, they just seem like they don't care. I don't really think I have a best friend right now, because the one that is supposed to be my best friend, I never see her much less can get ahold of her! Every time I call her or text message her, she hardly ever returns my messages. There are a few that I guess I could consider "good" friends, people I can trust with certain things or just to talk when they're around, but it's not the same. I don't understand what's happened since graduation. I've been in college for 1 year + some-odd months, and this year I've switched JC's. I wanted to be with my friends again, and everything. Now that I'm here, its like what's the point? I never really see them, and talking to them really isn't all that much different. I liked MC, it was a beautiful campus, but now VC is a lot cooler (as far as the temperature goes.) I also know part of it's my fault. I'm either always at work, school, or home. I work the weekends, go to school four days a week, and rarely get to see my mom (which I have a GREAT relationship with.) So I have some tie-downs that keep me from really going out and enjoying myself, or getting to meet new people. Though, it'd be great if I could every once in awhile. 9 ♥

[04 Sep 2004|06:14pm] [ mood | hungry ] There's a lot to say, but so little time. I'm frustrated with him right now... he's changed. He's not the same guy that I became friends with. I don't understand it, but then again, I'm not going to wallow over it. I've decided to just forget about him and move on. Forget about him. Forget that he's who he is and live my life without him. Of course I was pissed and furstrated today and everything, but I got over it. My left shoulder hurts and I think I need to see a chiropractor. Perhaps if I see one, I'd be a happier and better person. I carry a lot of stress and tension on my shoulders and in my back, and I rarely get back massages and yeah. I love this show... Gilmore Girls... it's great. I feel so close to the show. Its hard to explain and must sound really stupid. It's totally what I wanted my life to be like. So great... I'm almost done with the first season. They need to come out with all of the season's so far... one will not suit me. Ok, mom's going to feed me now, and then we're going to go see "Garden State." Laters. ♥

OOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! minions... I like that word! [01 Sep 2004|11:51pm] I forgot something... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I'm proud to announce that I might create a new username, AIM name, and possible e-mail! (Yes, I know... I just recently did that! But I might keep the e-mail though... ) Oh yeah... that's all. :) I'll be sure to inform you of whatever it is that I actually decide to do, ok!!! ♥

"...We say what now?" "Fuck you?!" OOO! Minions! [01 Sep 2004|10:58pm] [ mood | hungry ] SHIT FUCK BITCHASS MOTHER HUMPER!  Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you stupid ass LJ!  I had written things in here already, and then I click to get the extra stuff up top, and it was all cleared!  Fucker!  Ok, I'm done, I'll try to rewrite this as best as I can! I have found where in my wrist it hurts.  However, now that I have found it, it is constantly hurting, and it seems to hurt even worse at times.  I don't think its just a sprain anymore! I love the movie "Girl Next Door."  Tonight was my first time watching it, and it's fucking hilarious!  It holds some reality too.  It's a good movie.  I still need to see "Without a Paddle!"  I don't know if we're getting rid of it soon, but I need to see it.  There are a bunch of movies that I haven't seen yet that I wanted to see!  It sucks... school is taking up a lot of my time this semester... sheesh!  Oh well, can't have everything, right?! So, because the movie had some good points to it, I'm thinking I'm going to start being more courageous.  I've never been one to do crazy things (and the craziest that I've done is go to Clint's house around midnight and come home after having a sip or two of Jack, and that was around 130-2am.)  So see, I'm not a wild spirit or anything, I need something more.  It's like they always say, you must live life like there's no tomorrow! Ok, here's something that Isengard showed me... its nice.  ( Love Actually. )</span></p>   Oye! I'm getting tired.... My left arm has been feeling weak.  I don't know if its because I've been working out with the weights or if I've just been sleeping on it wrong.  Justin's been walking an hour each night for the past three nights... he's crazy, but we're (mom and I) are so proud of him!  Ugh... I'm hungry too... sheesh... it's 11:30, and I know I really shouldn't eat anything...  Fuck it, I'm hungry, I'm going to eat!  Bye!   ♥

Still there... [28 Aug 2004|08:05pm] [ mood | loved ] I still have those feelings... They weren't just yesterday's news. He's still been amazing... I ate at his restaurant tonight. He's was so adorable, watching him work. I'm a little fluffy bunny with him. Or, at least I'm supposed to be quick like a fluffy bunny. :) He's my husband right now. I am married to him, engaged to two others, and then one more is my hooker. :) (It's a little game we were all playing. So no one get too angry or worried!!) I want a bouquet of orchids!!! White orchids, lillies, and white roses.... I'm watching "40 Days & 40 Nights" and they just had that sex scene with the orchids.... that looks so friggin perfect!! I need to get my hair cut again. I don't know if we're going to do another dye job or not, but I need to at least get it cut if I'm going to grow it long. Only problem being, NO TIME!! I could probably call and schedule a time for Thursday. I'll call Nancy on Monday. Perhaps we'll go a shade lighter.... or I can make an appointment for next Thursday... I don't need it done right away. I love my JG shirt... it's pretty. I've never felt as special (with the exception of the concert). I walked outsdie to go look at the full moon, and I just... I felt loved. I mean, at the concert, I felt a different kind of special... I felt like I was powerful and that that's where I was supposed to be... but now... I feel like there's hope and I felt so confident. Ok, enough of the loser talk. :) So yeah, I wish I had more shirts like this... Jeesh... I'm in love... I need to talk to my second fiance... I'll call him tomorrow. Turelie, you are probably going to get an email from me here in a minute.... or two.... 2 ♥

Right now. [28 Aug 2004|03:16am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Aladdin *A Whole New World* ] I love him. Right now, I love him. Is it possible that he has mixed feelings for me? Is it possible that he's trying to figure out things like I've been doing for so long? All things are possible. I drank... I took pills.... I'm hoping to get some sleep. (Don't worry, I'm not going to get hurt.) I just have to be up by 8am and at work by 10 tomorrow morning... and it's now 3:18.... sleep is in short supply.... I'm hungry too... ♥

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